Storm coming.

This is my first Fatherhood Friday post, the place to showcase my newfound manhood. But right now I am not manly at all, not even womanly...I am 100% chicken.
Tonight after school I am supposed to be a dad again. We look forward to this all week...but sometimes it doesn't matter whether you are a mom or a dad... only that you are a parent, and beyond that, you are distilled into something cleaner, purer, a human being that loves another human being.
Right now, as tornado force winds approach from the west and two of my children are separated from me by thirty miles I am aware of how that is all that really matters. I imagine Fallon who is fifteen pretending to be brave as they are taken to the storm shelter. She was raised in Arizona where these things don't happen. And Liam, who is only five will be scared. He is small for his age, and because two members of our family have died recently he is afraid himself of dying. I know that Fallon was wearing a purple checked shirt today and green shoes because she couldn't find the ones that matched. And Liam was wearing a t-shirt with the Superman logo on front. This seems an incredibly important thing to remember.
I want to hold my children and reassure them. I want to kiss and cuddle them like a mother, and tell them everything is alright like a father.
I miss my own father who passed away this Christmas. He was the family weatherman, an expert in all things meteorological. He knew what to say and what to expect.
In my new role as weekend dad I am practicing that knowledgeable assurance that men seem to possess so naturally, and I am realizing how important it is to have both sides of the coin, how my children need that balance.
I have to remember when they fall not only to kiss it and make it better but to dust them off and send them on.
I have to remember when they fail to forgive the mistake, but also teach them how not to make it again.
When they are afraid I have to hold their hands, but also tell them that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
When they are wrong I have to reprimand them but still love them through it.
When they turn me away I have to remind them that to get respect you have to give it, but also reach a hand back out to them.
And when they are far away in a storm I have to wait with my arms open for them to come home...so I can tell them everything is alright.

only because i can't resist weekday ramblings

Okay I am totally super excited because I have become an official member of Dad Blogs !!!

Thanks fellows... it feels great to be one of the guys. Hopefully we can use our super powers to reunite men and women in parenting. I love it anytime the genders can meet and learn something from each other. Cruise on over and check them out...there are some absolutely amazing dads over there doing some really fantastic dadding.

GO GUYS!!!

Also I have to apologize for my faux pas in Mom Mondays. I just learned of Jon Goslins scandal. So hopefully we aren't all doing what Jon and Kate are doing. But what kind of knuckhead hangs out with another woman when the whole world is watching?! Stupid stupid stupid....well anyway.

To make up for all that tackiness I offer you these cool little gadgets. We love gadgets at my house. try them, you'll like them.

Mom Mondays

This is a little space for me to reflect on my dad weekend from a mom perspective. I'll tell you if I learned anything, or made a big mess of it...and let you in on some behind the scenes stuff.

It seems like everybody is blogging about their kids. We love our children and we can't imagine anyone else not being at least a little bit interested. As a mother I am always interested in other mothers..How do they do it? Do they do it better than me? What ideas do they have? I love glimpses into peoples lives. It's a good way to learn about yourself. Think of the huge following Jon and Kate have developed. We're just watching them do what we do everyday..times eight!

So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by the responses to this website. I've heard from single mothers, married mothers that feel single, single dads, regular dads, non traditional parents, and one teenager that wanted to know how she could get her mom to be a dad. I have realized that the world is not only ready for momdadding...it's crying out for it!
So, we are opening this blog to our readers. Try your hand at momdadding for one weekend and let us know how it went...send us your story, pics, video, wav files, recipes...whatever you have and we'll post them here for the world to see. We're also looking for a Dad panel...real dads that know the ropes and can give us advice and encouragement...and maybe they'll even do the dishes once in a while.

Come on... join the movement that's taking over the nation...be a Weekend Dad...You'll never go back to your old ways again.



Send your goods to e.alexander@hyggeinteriors.com

LESSON NINE

The Unbearable Lightness of Just Being.


Objective

Let Go

Example

It's only my second weekend and I am wondering what to do...then I am wondering if dads wonder what to do..then I wonder if...you know...as a woman thinketh. I decide to let go. I will (drumroll please...) Just Let It Happen!

We sleep in until ten. Already this is cool. Then we dive headfirst into a mound of hot buttery raspberry pancakes and swim to the top.
Then...

I wait for it to happen....

I putter around at the computer getting some work done while the kids watch cartoons...

I wait for it to happen...


The teens lurch out of the bedroom and assemble around the tv.

I wait for it to happen...

Everyone is excited about a "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" marathon.

Everyone except me.
"I'm a dad." I whine at them like a mother. "We're supposed to be having fun."

And that's when I realize that they are having fun. I am imposing my idea of parenting and fun on them.
This is one of the fundamental flaws of mothering...the dividing line between momism and dadism. Dads just let it be..let it all hang out..let it go man...sit back and relax and enjoy the ride.
I am always thinking ahead of the next thing to be done, my mind half in and half out of whatever I am doing with my children. Multitasking has its advantages, but it does not make me a good play mate.
I try to remember what it was like to be a kid. Not just the mechanics of playing...but the moment of living in that play...of just whirling happily through whatever it is I am doing, of turning a boring shopping trip or long car ride into an adventure with nothing other than my mind. I try to remember how much fun it is to exist without worrying about chores, or eating well, or paying the bills.
The very thing that most women find frustrating in men is probably their greatest strength in parenting. And we are probably jealous. I know I am.

So what did I do Saturday and Sunday?...I don't know..I just hung out.

What can be accomplished doing nothing...Dad style

1. Run around and make noise.
2. Compete with the kids to see who has the grossest wad of chewed food in their mouth.
3. Play Wii until your eyes are red and bleary, and make a big deal about of winning even if it isn't fair. It is fun to gloat.
4. Eat pancakes, and popcorn, and mountain dew, and french fries, and pepperoni sandwiches. Together or in a row.
   
5. Listen to rock music while the tv is on.
6. Make movies using action figures and no script.
   
7. Stay up late...how late? I don't know...don't look at the clock.
8. Wrestle with the baby. Throw him up in the air without worrying about dropping him. (because you won't)
   
9. Discover that farts can be funny.
10. Don't worry.
11. Sleep in.
12. Eat brownies out of the pan with cold milk. Take a big one...go back for more.
13. Say "Is too" ten times in a row.
14. Watch Fosters home for imaginary friends and think it's funny.
15. Follow their lead. Be in the moment. Be happy. Just Be.

Stand firmly in the moment you are in...it is where life happens.


Homework

Do one item from the list above. Experience it fully.

Extra Credit

Do all of them and still want more.

HOME EC

These pancakes are the bomb.
Serve them with warm maple syrup and slather on the butter. Eat Dad style with your face close to the plate so the warm sweet steam goes right up your nose. If you're anything like my family you'll have to increase the recipe for each additional family member. Just consider this a recipe for one. (Hard core momdads: Just dump frozen raspberries into pre-made pancake mix and its just as good).

Fruit Berry Pancake Recipe

1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons melted butter or margarine
1 large egg
1 cup all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons sugar
1/2 cup berries of choice

In a medium mixing bowl, combine wet ingredients consisting of milk, melted butter or margarine, egg and mix the ingredients well.

Next form pancake batter by adding shifted flour, baking powder and sugar to the wet mixture. Stir your mixture just enough to dampen the flour. This batter be as thick as heavy cream, therefore if necessary add a little more milk.

Lastly, gently mix in your berries of choice (blue berries, raspberries, strawberries or blackberries).

Cook your pancakes in a lightly greased frying pan over medium high heat or on a heated griddle. Using a spatula, turn the pancakes to the other side when bubbles begin to form all around the surface of the pancake and when the underside of the pancake has browned to your liking. Once the pancakes are flipped cook until browned.

LESSON EIGHT

Objective

Sing like no one can hear you





Example

We have an ancient karaoke machine that sits waiting to eat cassette tapes while you try to sing over the feedback. It served as my inspiration. "We'll have a sing along Friday night!" I announce. Isabel thinks this is great...everyone else thinks this is lame.
It takes me awhile to get the karaoke beast humming and then I hand over the mic to the kids so Liam can entertain us by screeching like a girl and making my eardrums wobble like jello while I scan the internet for free instrumentals. There are hundreds but I would recommend Karaoke Play.
It has a bunch of choices and songs for kids too.

Eventually...like all Americans looking for cheap entertainment, we drift over to youtube and find tons of songs...some recorded by people actually singing karaoke(avoid those). The little kids start off with Disney tunes, but since none of the songs use many of Liam's weekly sight words from kindergarten, and Isabel thinks every written word is either her name or something about Star Wars, the lyrics are completely manufactured by the children.
They sing about pigs, and Barbies, and cowboys, and cheese.
Fallon finds Lion King songs you can sing along with in Hebrew or Chinese. We try this. I suggest you do too. I love the image of a Jewish Zazu following Simba around spouting advice.
The kids get bored and begin to play with the mic...Liam does some really impressive beat boxing and I have to wonder how he is learning this on a midwestern small town playground.
Then I am alone with Fallon. In fifteen years I have never heard her sing out loud. She swears her voice is terrible and I have no way to address this statement since I haven't heard it. She sings air songs...her mouth moving and no sound coming out. I picture her with a piano player and silent words on a black screen. Karaoke is perfect for her. She can pretend to be singing and can see the words like little thought bubbles. I find show tunes and launch into warbly breathy versions of Phantom of the Opera songs. I am sad to realize that my voice like the rest of me has grown older, has grown dusty with disuse.

I think I am going to cry.

This is not very daddish of me.

It is Fallon, the silent singer that rescues me. She downloads "Karma Chameleon" by Boy George and wonder of wonders, sings with me, out loud. We both sound bad... I don't think anyone but Boy George can sing this well. We then plow through Grease and a few more before we have sung and giggled ourselves out.

I am amazed. My daughter and I have created a deeper bond by doing something she hates. She is a wonder to me, enjoying something she thinks she is terrible at, doing something she said she would never do...as a gift to me. She is braver than I am. She is a bigger person than I will ever be. Even an old Dad can learn new tricks.

Homework

Sing like no one can hear you.

Extra Credit

Out loud.

LESSON SEVEN

Objective

Keep a Positive Attitude

Example

It is Friday. I am afraid I set the bar too high last weekend.
Liam is home sick (again). The baby is sniffling, and snuffling, and complaining.
The fish's bowl was empty this morning and the fish nowhere to be found. Oliver was coughing and sputtering after his morning crawl from the bedroom to my computer desk, so I suspect a seafood breakfast.
I told Isabel that her fish had gone on vacation but she is more excited by the prospect that the baby ate it.
She is fine with that really.

I have work to do but Liam is sure that the weekend has started early because he is home.
It's raining big juicy thunderous drops outside so the camping trip I had planned is definitely off.
Before I know it, Fallon is home from school and everybody is looking at me expecting me to be cool.

The baby has thrush too, did I mention that? I am still in my pajamas and it is four o clock in the afternoon.

"We're going to have so much fun!" I tell them my eyes big and wide and shining like an anime character.
"Oh yeah like what?" they say to me with suspicion.
"You'll see" I promise them, and I slink off to the bathroom to come up with a plan and some clean hair.

Homework

Come up with a plan.

Extra Credit

Figure out how the statement "From chaos comes order" applies to your life.