LESSON NINE

The Unbearable Lightness of Just Being.


Objective

Let Go

Example

It's only my second weekend and I am wondering what to do...then I am wondering if dads wonder what to do..then I wonder if...you know...as a woman thinketh. I decide to let go. I will (drumroll please...) Just Let It Happen!

We sleep in until ten. Already this is cool. Then we dive headfirst into a mound of hot buttery raspberry pancakes and swim to the top.
Then...

I wait for it to happen....

I putter around at the computer getting some work done while the kids watch cartoons...

I wait for it to happen...


The teens lurch out of the bedroom and assemble around the tv.

I wait for it to happen...

Everyone is excited about a "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" marathon.

Everyone except me.
"I'm a dad." I whine at them like a mother. "We're supposed to be having fun."

And that's when I realize that they are having fun. I am imposing my idea of parenting and fun on them.
This is one of the fundamental flaws of mothering...the dividing line between momism and dadism. Dads just let it be..let it all hang out..let it go man...sit back and relax and enjoy the ride.
I am always thinking ahead of the next thing to be done, my mind half in and half out of whatever I am doing with my children. Multitasking has its advantages, but it does not make me a good play mate.
I try to remember what it was like to be a kid. Not just the mechanics of playing...but the moment of living in that play...of just whirling happily through whatever it is I am doing, of turning a boring shopping trip or long car ride into an adventure with nothing other than my mind. I try to remember how much fun it is to exist without worrying about chores, or eating well, or paying the bills.
The very thing that most women find frustrating in men is probably their greatest strength in parenting. And we are probably jealous. I know I am.

So what did I do Saturday and Sunday?...I don't know..I just hung out.

What can be accomplished doing nothing...Dad style

1. Run around and make noise.
2. Compete with the kids to see who has the grossest wad of chewed food in their mouth.
3. Play Wii until your eyes are red and bleary, and make a big deal about of winning even if it isn't fair. It is fun to gloat.
4. Eat pancakes, and popcorn, and mountain dew, and french fries, and pepperoni sandwiches. Together or in a row.
   
5. Listen to rock music while the tv is on.
6. Make movies using action figures and no script.
   
7. Stay up late...how late? I don't know...don't look at the clock.
8. Wrestle with the baby. Throw him up in the air without worrying about dropping him. (because you won't)
   
9. Discover that farts can be funny.
10. Don't worry.
11. Sleep in.
12. Eat brownies out of the pan with cold milk. Take a big one...go back for more.
13. Say "Is too" ten times in a row.
14. Watch Fosters home for imaginary friends and think it's funny.
15. Follow their lead. Be in the moment. Be happy. Just Be.

Stand firmly in the moment you are in...it is where life happens.


Homework

Do one item from the list above. Experience it fully.

Extra Credit

Do all of them and still want more.